Being More Than I Was

So, I really love being a father. Lately I began to understand that the longer I’m a father the more I realize my sons are making me a better man.

What I mean is, I keep thinking to myself “What kind of men do I want to raise?” and I continually give myself answers. But those answers come with one giant caveat: Do I do that?

Do I hold open doors for women?
Do I, at all times, treat my wife (their mom) with respect?
Do I consistently use manners?
Do I use foul language?
Do I gossip?
Do I laugh at others expense?

You get the idea.

I can look at something like lying and honesty and I know I can read my boys stories from Aesop’s Fables (like the Boy Who Cried Wolf).
We can study the Ten Commandments: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. (Exodus 20:16).
I can quote from Kant, “By a lie a man throws away and, as it were, annihilates his dignity as a man.”
Or Emerson, “Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society. “
Or Socrates, “False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.”
I can even talk to my sons about the health effects of lying: (http://health.yahoo.com/experts/drmao/7393/lying-is-bad-for-your-health/).
I can even stress to my children that I love them unconditionally and they should always tell me the truth. I can let them know that their behavior will never make me love them less but lying will make me trust them less.

But the one time – the one time – we stay too long at the park and we pull into the driveway and I turn around and look at them and say “If your mom asks why we are late tell her we got a flat tire/ there was traffic/ we got lost.” The one time I ask them to lie, it’s all over.

Not only will I lose everything I’ve tried to teach them, but now they won’t believe me. They will lose respect for me and I have shown them that they can lie to their mother.
So, I need to be a better man.

I need to act in accordance with my own rules. In other words, “walk the talk.” And that is so very difficult.

I feel like parenting is constant vigilance. And I don’t mean keeping a watchful eye on your child to avoid bumps and bruises, or making sure they don’t watch too much TV, or watching what they eat. I mean constant vigilance of yourself and your actions.

Looking in the mirror each day and asking, “Would I allow my sons to behave like this?” can be incredibly challenging.

I’ve recently made some changes in my own life and I’m amazed at the disconnect between my expectations and my actions. I am not the gentleman I want my sons to be. But I think I have time, I hope I have time, time to change me and time for them to follow my example.

I hope I can become the man my sons deserve. I struggle daily to model the actions and the attitudes I hope to instill in them. And I’m thankful that I have them, because now I have an incentive to become the man I should have become long ago.